THIS IS A HOAX

COVID-19 I mean. Everyone who isn’t being deluded by the mainstream media knows it’s a hoax.

So how are we to take the news that President Trump has tested positive for coronavirus? Obviously it’s a hoax.

But who is playing this hoax on the American people? I know, and I think those of you who are “in the know” know. Our President is executing a brilliant maneuver.

President Trump realizes that he cannot win the election fair and square. The Deep State won’t let him win. [This is a hoax.]

He also realizes that there are Federal prosecutors who would like to indict him as soon as he leaves office. Never-Trumpers. [This is Fake News.]

So he needs to move carefully and stealthily in order to save his hide. Get sick. That’s the trick.

A sick Trump may have to resign. That would be terrible. Many people would feel very sorry for him, sorry enough that they would understand it when Vice President Pence gives him a full federal pardon for compassionate reasons. [This may be written to seed doubt.]

He and his closest advisors have cooked up this elaborate hoax and mainstream media is buying it. But don’t be fooled.

A pardoned Trump, a sick pardoned Trump, can hope that Governor Cuomo of New York will also give him a pardon. I actually don’t know how many other states could prosecute Trump under state laws, but wherever they are, their governors should also pardon Trump. For reasons of compassion.

This is a hoax.

Of course, the President also needs to have a Plan B. And maybe a Plan C. I am sure he has already thought of them, and so have I. [This is an MSNBC-fueled fantasy.]

Plan B is to get sicker, perhaps to appear mentally deranged. This is the Vincent “the Chin” Gigante ploy. Gigante was a top boss in the mob, but to avoid detection and prosecution, he wandered the streets of New York in a bathrobe, mumbling to himself. In a 1990 trial he was declared “mentally unfit” and got off.

Trump could pull this off. He already has a large part of the American Public convinced that he is mentally ill. He just needs to persuade his followers, and especially a passel of state Attorneys General.

But relax. This is a hoax. This article, I mean. Fake News.

But the Gigante ploy may not work. In which case Trump needs to go to Plan C. The Jimmy Hoffa Play. Disappear.

I am sure there are plenty of places that Trump could disappear to, places where even if he is later discovered, he cannot be prosecuted. For instance, Jeffrey Epstein’s island. His agents could obtain that on the cheap (if they haven’t already).

Or what about Kazakhstan? That seems like a good place to both build a Trump Tower, and hide out in it.

But the big question is, what would Trump do day-after-day while he hides out? I suggest reading. Reading poetry.

I even have a good poet to recommend, Emily Dickinson. Here is one that may help Trump reconceptualize himself:

I’m nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there’s a pair of us — don’t tell!
They’d banish us, you know.

How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

[This is a fake Poem.]

Adam Corson-Finnerty is a writer, currently experiencing symptoms of schadenfreude.